Throwing Fish Into Space Halloween Special

Throwing Fish Into Space #18

Throwing Fish Into Space #17

Throwing Fish Into Space #16

Throwing Fish Into Space Holiday Edition (#15)

Better late than never. Happy holidays.

Throwing Fish Into Space #14

This I Believe

I believe in magic. Not just in the metaphor of magic, as in the magic of a sunset or a spectacular and improbable event, though those things are a part of what I believe. Neither do I mean the bell, book, and candle of the Wiccans or the Pagans, although I do think they are trying to get at the same thing. I mean magic in the way we can change the world around us.

Now, a great many people will think to themselves, “I know what you mean. We can change the world through our political action, economic power, and devotion to a cause.” I don’t mean to take away from those things at all, however I think the most profound, most effective and most essential change in the world happens at the core of who we are. It happens where we live, and how we live. It is magic because it is often sudden, dramatic, and quite often involves flying in the face of all that we know and embracing something essential that cannot be fully explained, or even spoken about. It can only be experienced.

Truly changing ourselves, and truly changing the world, means change at this deep point, at the place where we are purest, most raw. It means we must find it, go to it, and embrace it. This means we must navigate the story of our lives, negotiate our drama, our trauma, our secrets and our truth. It means we must be willing to peel back the layers, remove the protections, and stand naked, exposed and raw and let the world come in with all its raw, naked, screaming truths. This can happen, and often does, suddenly, when we are confronted with something so powerful that it cuts right through us. These are those moments when the heart breaks and life comes flooding in. It can be in the form of fear, horror, or tragedy or it could be absurdity, beauty, or rapture. More often it comes slowly, through self examination and self exploration, by facing up to our truth, our wounds, our traumas, those things that make us turn away, that caused us to start building these layers in the first place. This is the work of healing and empowerment. This is where we change the blackest night into the brightest day. This is where we leap into the abyss of our own lives and find whatever it is we are looking for.

I believe this is magic. Magic because it is able to change us and, since we are at this level inseparable from it, reality itself. Magic because it is often inexplicable, inexpressible and irrational. It is always terrifying. It is the stuff of monsters, dreams, the fantastic, and the miraculous. It is creation and creativity. It is the place where we believe.

And this is why I study social work and gender studies.  This is why I think Queer Theory is relevant, important.  This is why I’m trying to learn and to understand what appear to be otherwise esoteric, purely academic pursuits.  Because I believe I am learning how things work, how people work, why we believe what we believe.  I wish to work magic, to see these changes in myself, in others, and in the world. To help people find, embrace, or come to know their own lives, to see them heal, and embrace the power to change. To be with those that have found themselves touched by horror, terror, and absurdity, those that have met monsters, and those who may have become monsters. I believe it takes the dedication, study, scrutiny, and mastery of esoteric skills that we once called spirit, or magic. These days we called it therapy, healing, empowerment, or something like that, and it can all be thought of, and governed by, safe, rational, and ethical boundaries. I still believe it is magic.

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